I wish I only lived at night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
