Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
