Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
