I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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