I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
