a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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