hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
