period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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