You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
