There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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