u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
