Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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