i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
