The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
