I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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