I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
