Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
