that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
