stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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