I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
