Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
