She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
