I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
