big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
