Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
