I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
