I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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