It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize