This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
