Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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