He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
