Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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