And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
