just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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