I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
