Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize