On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How does one acquire holy water?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
