Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
