And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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