I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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