do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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