i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
