Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
