Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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