Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
