Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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