Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
