You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
