Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
