hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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