Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Me too!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
