it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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