Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
