i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
