i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
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