I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
