Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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