I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
