you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
