he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
