I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
