why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't deserve a penis
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize