i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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