my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
