Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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