I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
