her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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