Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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