how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
