Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
