Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
