I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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