you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
