Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
