I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
