so that wasnt chicken after all
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
