Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
