I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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