I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
