while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize