my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
