there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
